Sound Asleep

My son went to sleep on his own tonight.  Just when I had convinced myself I had enough of the bouncing and shushing routine, he squirmed to get out of my arms.  As soon as I let him down, he noticed the familiar patterns and pictures along the crib’s edge and relaxed.  His hand rushed out to touch the fabric and he began to quietly babble.  Not knowing if I should stay or go, I sat on the edge of the rocker. 

 

I should go, I decided.  The dishes could be done.  I could run the video monitor and be close if this experiment went south.  But it didn’t.  He talked to himself, looked around, and tossed his legs a few times before he was out.  His eyes were closed with a hand outstretched, softly reaching out.  What a relief, he can fall asleep without my bouncing routine. He just showed me so.

 

This is great...I think. He will still want to be held some before bedtime, right? As this milestone comes, another phase ends.  As exhausting and difficult as it has been, there is nothing better than the warm, weary weight of my son cradled between my cheek and shoulder as he falls asleep. 

 

This transition to falling asleep on his own leaves me heartbroken and relieved all at the same time.